# 5 from the youngest

Tonight was a going away party hosted by my son and daughter-in-law to honor and send off our youngest daughter to Afghanistan. It was a bitter / sweet time with lots of family and friends. We talked, we laughed, we hugged, we sat by the fire and just simply enjoyed the company of one another and the conversations. The evening was all about relationships ... and spending time with those we all love.

As I returned home and got ready for bed, I laid my head on my pillow and as I prayed the tears began to fall wet on the pillowcase.

I was feeling very alone in all of this "being a military mom" and sending my youngest, my littlest, off to war not really understanding why there has to be this battle. It's a new season for me. It's a new role, wife, mother, grandmother and now military mom.

But as I cried I felt  a settling of my soul Into His Arms once again.

So grateful I am not in this alone by I have this friend in Jesus who hears my heart and knows my what's on my mind and continues to mold, shape, and refine me into who He desires me to be.

The letters from boot camp will be a reminder of just who this women is as she writes home from the past, present, and future.

July 10, 2007

Mom,

Thank you for the letter. I cried a lot, but it's OK. I am happy that Adam is doing well and that he got a bike. Are you guys still using his car then? Anyway I'm happy CM is going well for you too. It's awesome that your are excelling at it. Well I'm on my 5th day now. It will start to pick up after this week hopefully. I cry every night cause I thing about home and how much I want to be there. I've had a lot of dreams too about being home which doesn't make it any easier. My graduation date is November 15th. If I don't get into the excelled program. I hope most of you can make it. Will you send me Lisa's address and also Kelley and Josh's? I don't have either of them. So how is dad? Tell him he's gonna have to write me a letter sometime. How's the transformation going at church too? I'm sad I'm missing that to. I went to the Baptist service on Sunday. It was good. Get this though .... there's a guy that's in my platoon that I know! We met 4 summers ago at Camp Nathaniel when I was a cook and he was a rookie! he wants to be a missionary in South Africa so I told him about you trips. He thought it was awesome. Well I'm gonna go for not, but write soon. It really helps hearing from you. I miss you and love you ... much more than you know!

Love, Ash
ps It's a PFC on the front mom not PSC ... :-)

I'm growing

Another favorite from Holley and

sometimes for me

it is recovery is more important than

perfection!

# 4 and a retype of # 2 a record of the orginal letter

continuing to record letters from my kids

this one came from my youngest

it arrived in the mail in July of 2007

written while she was at basic training

I am amazed at the woman she has grown to be

faithful, available, and teachable

she called this past week with a 97% score on her training

she is soon to be deployed

Hey Everybody!

Well things have changed a lot now that I"m at Charlie 787 (my basic company). The drill sgts, are yelling at us a lot of the time. My bed needs to be made a certain way and my wall has to be set up in a certain way down to folding socks! Today, I'm at sick call cause my right ankle is swollen. I'm praying that it doesn't hinder me starting basic tomorrow. I would be very sad. I miss you all so much. I really hope you guys can all make it down here for graduation. It doesn't seem like it right now but once I get started that day will come quickly. Please be praying that I stay strong thru the first couple weeks cause that will be the hard part. The drill sgts aren't as bad as I thought they would be, but then again I haven't gotten into trouble yet. There is a bit of broken up rubber right in front of our barracks where we get smoked. Yesterday we were out there for 20 minutes and it was super hot. Chow is always fast, but its good. I don't know if I'll be able to write within the next couple weeks but please send mail. I don't think I'll be able to call either, My bunk mate, Hubbard is really nice. She's from Alabama and is obsessed with corn. Please let Kelley know that I will be getting my M16A2 (my rifle) next week and I'll be naming it "Syd". The drill sgt said we have to give it a name and a reason for naming it what we did. Syd will be my motivation because I cannot wait to meet him. How is Adam doing? Do you guys know if he'll be able to leave treatment for a couple of days to come down? Please don't forget the number one with the circle around it cause I will get smoked if it's not on there. Sorry about the message yesterday mom, I was just really sad that I wasn't able to talk to anyone cause it will be a while before I get to call again. The barracks are really nice. I don't think they are that old, and they are well kept. Last night I had my first CQ shift. Hubbard and I had to mop the steps, sweep the sidewalk, and pick up trash. I went back to the bay (where we sleep) afterwards to finish some laundry. Oh, let Adam know that they didn't cover our heads, but they made us close our eyes on the way to C 787. Please give Carrie and Jake my address. Once I'm done with basic, I will ask my drill sgt about getting a pass to come home to see Sydney. I should be finishing up basic mid September if I start tomorrow. I got my basic photo taken and I'll have the copies of it in 6-8 weeks. I decided not to do the tough look, so I smiled. Dad I've only cried once so far and it was yesterday when nobody answered. Lisa, I miss boot camp, cause soon enough, my workouts will be a lot different. Well, I appreciate the prayers and thoughts you guys. I miss you all so much. I'll write again when I get the chance. I love you guys. 

p.s. Good news ... I just got done with the doc and I just have to ice it 3 times a day and take some meds ... I'm starting basic tomorrow.  Ash

Can't say it enough ... grateful for family!

832. Reese's Peanut butter egg from the golfer

833. barbecue chicken on the grill (yum Adam)

834. Easter egg hunt with some of the grandchildren

835. Sati class here http://lisavanahn.com/class-schedule/

836. gf homemade cake made with love by my daughter-in-law

837.  holidays celebrated in the presence of family

realizing this Easter as our youngest daughter was away for training for her upcoming deployment
and our second daughter was in Texas with her husband and our three grandchildren
how important family is to me especially on holidays
feeling grateful, yet sad at times

Depression / Joy

Tomorrow will be Easter and there will be many individuals and families celebrating in many different ways. I am  thankful to be a part of the family of New Hope Church www.newhopechurchmn.org  where I will worship.
I will take part in a drama during the morning services. I am feeling a bit like Moses as I do not speak in front of crowds. Although this is a "drama" it is my story. As I asked a friend to pray he reminded me that it's God's story!

              Depression; It moved over me gradually but it rested on me for years, a feeling of discouragement, hopelessness, and depression. It was chronic. I would cry myself to sleep at night. It was next to impossible to get up in the morning to care for myself, let alone my husband and children. The darkness was deep and the God-silence  was overwhelming. I was isolated, lonely and untouchable. I just wanted the pain of the depression to be lifted. I read my Bible, but it was just words on a page. I prayed but did not feel as if God heard me. I went to church and I would walk through the crowds of people knowing my outside was hiding something that was killing me on the inside. I could not bear for others to know.

                But then, I asked a few friends to pray for me in faith. I shared my struggles. I wanted to find a way through the crowds to just get to Him and out of the shadows of depression. I wanted to move from darkness in to the light. I wanted healing and I saw my chance and immediately I moved towards Him. Just a touch of His garment and it would all be over. “Who touched me?” He asked.  He saw my suffering and knew the depth of my need. The healing didn’t happen over - night but it happened. Though I felt I had been covered in darkness, even the darkness was not dark in Him. The nights began to glow like the break of a new day. I found that in Him there was no darkness. He replaced my discouragement with encouragement.  He became the God of hope. The joy of the Lord became my strength. When He brought me out from the darkness to the light, He brought me with shouts of joy and renewed strength.

Gethesmane

Some powerful thoughts from Gethsemane ...

The Cross is the first outcome of Gethsemane for Jesus and us

The adversity of Gethsemane is ultimately a great blessing

We must stay in Gethsemane until God calls us out

The promise that He will call us out is powerful!

love these freebies from (in)courage

just saying

This seems like such a short list yet I am feeling every so grateful today.

Just saying but still counting

823. grateful for the sun after the clouds have rolled away

824. a bike ride and a stop at the lake to sit and reflect on the calmness of the water

825. sleeping in

826. reading in bed until 12 noon

827. dinner prepared by the hands of my son

828. a cold cup of water

829. time spent with family here: http://www.osf.com/  and here: http://www.kingdomundone.com/wp/

830. a walk in the woods with my good friend Ginny

831. sending prayers through text messaging

832. the golfer asks to go golfing at dinner time yet still has a gluten free frozen dinner in the freezer for me. (how thoughtful)

833. the beginning of Holy Week, a time to reflect on Him and the price He paid for my sin