"Journals Past; Pictures Present"

I am hoping to have an edge on Christmas blogging this year and be the first to post ...

One of the main reasons I am able to do this is because Terry and I plan to spend our first Christmas Day quietly with each other. A very different Christmas for us and yet a realization that our family is growing bigger in a very special way where the kids are spending time with their extended family and friends.

Yet for us Christmas would not be Christmas were it not for my Christmas' past where our family of 7 children (yet my older brothers and sisters remember 8) would celebrate Christmas around the manager scene my father built which I now have in my home.

Christmas would not be Christmas without the "Walker" side and the "Pederson" side of the families and now added to Walker Christmas is Van Ahn, Davis, (although they were with us for Adam's wedding but not Christmas this year)Pederson, and Larson! I love that the cousins get to see cousins and now second cousins get to see and play with second cousins.

Christmas would not be Christmas without the reading of the story of Jesus' birth happening thousands of years ago from Luke. This year Terry did this at Kelley's house where we celebrated the Pederson Christmas after the Walker Christmas.

For me Christmas is just not Christmas without times of reflections on Christmas past and present .... so I leave you with pictures present and journals past (as recorded with pen and paper and now recorded electronically ....

12/26/82 Lisa went forward and said to Pastor that she did not want to live a “boring Christian life” in her child-like way. Ruth went out and prayed with her and Lisa now has an interest in being baptized. Lord, I just pray that as parents, Terry and I instruct Lisa in a biblical way. Guide us as we talk with Lisa about baptism.

12/20/83 Lord, as Terry goes back to BSF after the 1st of the year I ask that you might help him to make a New Years commitment to be in the Word each day and completing his study on a daily basis.
12/20/83 Be with Terry during this busy season of year. Have him keep his eyes upon You for complete guidance.

December 25, 1984
It's Christmas day and I just feel that I have received so many gifts all year long. Lord, so many blessings have then poured out onto us as a family.

My prayer tonight is for Ken Meschad--this person that Janine works with. I pray that Janine may have more opportunities to speak with him and that he may come to know You as his personal savior.

My scripture reading today is Psalm 106.

December 26, 1984
Lord, I am thankful for my children. I love each one of them and they are special in their own way. Thank You Lord.

My prayer today is for vacation. I thank You For this time to enjoy all my children together. I pray that You might give me patience when I am having a hard time. I pray that you might make this a time for Lisa and I to share.

My scripture reading today is Psalm 107.

December 25, 1992
Lord Jesus I don't want to follow a format ... I just want to write, It is Christmas day and this is a special time of year. I am so thankful that I, as a Christian can have God's gift of His son with me all year. Lord Jesus, thank you that all went well on Christmas Eve as the Walker families came here. Lord we are moving into a new year. Help me to make some changes in my life that will make me a better Christian, wife and mother.

Christmas Eve Day 2007
Father as I sit before the candle light once again this morning. This Christmas Eve day I am reminded that I am to share the Light of the world with my family .... Oh Father, help me to do this today. Luke 10:17-24 vs 20 Oh Father, I do rejoice that my name is written in heaven ...
Oh Father, how I love to worship with You and Your disciples at New hope Church. I love the fact that a good part of my life is worship and spiritual celebration. I will never be good enough for heaven but because of the cross I enjoy the CRADLE the CROSS and the CROWN!

Christmas Day 2007
Oh Father how thankful I am that you came to serve not to be served. Thank you for allowing me to serve my family (Walkers) in my home last night. Oh God how I pray for Terry, Lisa, Matt, Carrie, Jacob, Adam, Renee, Kelley, Josh and Ashley. I pray that in 2008 the Spirit of the living God will fall afresh on each of them. I thank you Father for the love they have for one another. I pray for Sid and Annika that they will know you personally as their Savior. Thank you for Your grace and mercy.

Many things are important but one thing is essential: Jesus

In His Arms, B.

To Believe

A picture thought I leave with you tonight ... it's hard to believe but the laundry is done temporialy...


It's hard to believe that another month is yet to begin. I find myself busy with lesson plans, wedding plans, graduation plans, (the need to finish classes at Crown strong), Bible Study plans ... which has left me little time to do what I love write ...

...yet I still believe that my purpose is to teach to read and write which finds me constantly reading and writing to teach ....

Remaining In His Arms, B.

flu yuck!

morning pages
October 29, 2009
one month from my last post

Illness .... Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick ...But He, being full of compassion ... for He remembers that they were but flesh ... therefore I take pleasure in infirmities ... for when I am weak, then I am strong.

School

September 29, 2009
Morning Pages

Wow it's hard to believe that summer is over and fall is in the air. I do not want another day to go by without doing what I love to do writing and following blogs. One of the main reasons I fall behind is because when school starts I hit the floor running.

This year I am running into school at 6:30 am after waking up at 4 am to the alarm of my husband kissing me on the cheek as he goes off to work.

I love my alarm (my husband) and I work with an awesome bunch of k-6th graders from 6:30-9 each morning.

This year I am running to the computer on Monday evenings for one of my last few classes at Crown College in the hope's of graduating with my teaching degree in the spring of 2010.

I love learning!

This year I am running out the door after a quick dinner to EX 2:2 an awesome "school" of the Bible.

I love my "girlfriends" at EX 2:2

And right now I am running down the hall of Edinbrook Elementary to a K class.

I love serving alongside of seasoned teacher, Susan.

Have a great day or not it's completely up to you! B

Real Women and Mentors

About one year ago to the day I was personally invited to a meeting regarding the ministry of Real Women. The Real Women Mentoring Ministry exists to train up women as disciples and leaders in the church who are committed to following Jesus and helping others to do the same. It is an opportunity for women to connect across generational lines to learn from the Word, one another, and good books what it means to be and live as a godly woman for God’s glory and our good.

I found myself attracted to the ministry because I desired to learn from “older” women who had walked in their faith as followers of Christ longer than me. Instead the night of the meeting I was one of the “older” women. I began to sense that I may end up as a mentor in the ministry rather than having a mentor which was my personal desire.

I am happy to say I indeed served as a mentor this past year in Real Women and can I just say that being a part of this ministry transformed my life. I cannot remember, since I became a Christian 32 years ago, a year where I have grown so much in my faith. As I had opportunity to pour into other “younger” women, the “younger” women poured into me through the teaching of the scriptures, praying for and with me, and holding me accountable.

I now know the importance of a ministry that crosses all generations of women who have a desire to disciple and be discipled. If you are seeking a ministry for women where you can be encouraged with real love, have a safe place to share real issues and be lead to grow in the knowledge of real truth … Real Women is for you!

and to those who have mentored me over the years and at present ....

Esther

Eva

Donna

Barbara

Kathy

Joni

Pam

Mary Beth

Andrea

Lisa

Carrie

Kelley

Ashley

Kaye

Kim

I thank my God for you everytime I remember you in my prayers ...

In His Arms, B.

A Simple Prayer While Waiting

This is me with my co-teachers from last year's class at Edinbrook ... I love these kids!

Oh Father,

Help me not to be a complainer and / or a questioner but rather a faith filled Worshiper of You.

May I know that prayer is a call from you
a
Consecration to you
Communion with You
Conversation with You
and
Cooperation with You

Oh and Father I am ever so thankful that your, Holy Spirit intercedes for me, that You help me in my weakness ... for I indeed do not know how to pray especially regarding a job. you know my heart is to be at Edinbrook for 6 hours or at the very least to be working a job that includes benefits ... would you make a way in this wilderness of not having employment for Marshall, Reed, Stephen, Dean, Tom, myself and others ... Surprise us Lord .... surprise me!

Always remaining in Your arms, B.

Becoming a Reader and Writer

Imagine a world where you can’t read the street signs. You have to find your way by using only landmarks. When you see a sign or road map, you can’t understand it, even though it is written in your own language. And when people give you oral directions, you cannot write quickly enough to take useful notes.
In this world, getting around isn’t your only challenge. You must struggle to read directions on packages of cake mixes and cleaning products. Figuring out the doses of over-the counter medicines actually gives you a headache. You keep faulty products rather than return them to the store because you cannot fill out a refund slip. The only jobs you dare apply for are those that do not require any reading or writing.
This was my world for almost 20 years. It was a very small world because I feared getting lost if I went beyond my place of work, familiar stores, and well-known routes to friends’ and family’s homes. I lived in daily fear that I would be asked to fill out a form, write something down for someone, or worse yet be asked to read aloud.
My greatest fear of all was being found out. What if people knew that I could barely read and couldn’t write?
I was in first grade when I was told I would be held back to do another year of first grade so the teachers could make an attempt to teach me how to read. I was signed up each summer for “remedial” reading and math from first grade through eighth grade. By fifth grade I knew that I would never be able to catch up.
I remember hearing giggles in the classroom as soon as I was called on to read aloud. The kids knew what was going to happen, and so did I. As I hesitated, my teachers would say the words for me, over and over, urging me to repeat them but all I could hear was laughing in the background. Finally, the teacher would give up and say, “We’ll move on.” Even though I felt relief, I also felt embarrassed. I was pulled out of class for extra work, but by that time—as I realize now—it was too late. I was already labeled by classmates and teachers as ‘slow.’
I did OK in math, this helped me get passed from grade to grade. It also helped me to hide how serious my problem was from my parents. I didn’t want to bring the problem to their attention. As a ten-year-old I was more interested in having fun than working hard on reading and writing.
I had one close friend in grade school but she went to the public school while I attended the private school. I had another close friend in high school and she accepted me for what I was and am today, kind, generous, compassionate, and a lot of fun. She would take notes for me and coach me through courses, and she helped cover up my disability.
In high school I learned to avoid classes that had writing assignments and heavy reading. I took the easiest courses I could. I kept quiet and tried not to be noticed. I never volunteered to read in class. So many classes had multiple-choice tests that I usually could guess and get by. My ability to manage my life got better and better. I received my high-school diploma and enrolled in a Junior College and then a technical school where I was trained to be a station secretary and got a job at a local hospital. I liked my job. The opportunities and pitfalls of the adult world seemed endless, requiring new and more complicated adjustments. I wanted a checking account. Getting one was easy because the officer simply asked me questions and filled out the forms. Knowing how to deposit, withdraw and figure out a balance was hard and stressful, especially when I had to do it in public. I share this openly with you like I am talking about someone else, as people would describe me as upbeat, self-confident, open, and friendly, a leader and a team-player. Now in my late fifties, I realize that persons who have difficulty reading and writing is a fairly widespread problem. “There are a lot of us out there.” There are people who are afraid to travel because they can’t read signs. Some won’t apply for work because they can’t fill out a job application. Others pretend they have left their glasses at home so they can take a form to someone who will read it to them.
This remarkable openness and confidence did not come about by accident, nor did it come easily. After all, I had spent years and years ashamed of my difficulty. How did I build my self-confidence to such a high level? When I was considering going to college to get a teaching degree I met with my friend Valerie and had her do testing with me, personality tests, learning style tests and tests that would prove my need for support, and what types of support would set me up for success in school. I then went on for IQ testing through Minnesota Workforce and like many others with learning disabilities my IQ was within low to normal range but I had much difficult with information processing. I also realized through these assessments that it would be helpful to have text books on tape, extra time for assignments, a quiet, distraction-free environment, open book tests and possibly a note-taker. In order for me to find success in reading and writing I needed support. I went in and met with the Joan Sax and she began to put various supports in place. Soon Joan became my advisor and Lori Carblom began to request text books and advocate for me as she communicated with each new professor for each new course.
I no longer think much about the past. I now know how to use a computer. Writing is still a chore but one that I enjoy especially if it is personal journaling that is not being edited or evaluated. And reading is still a challenge although it is my favorite way to spend free time. Thankfully, I am able to write notes and letters to friends, papers for school and I even enjoy writing on my blog and reading other blogs of interest. I am able to read newspapers, magazine articles, and instruction manuals, even aloud. I feel more confident reading aloud to children yet am still somewhat uncomfortable reading aloud with adults and I prefer to volunteer to read rather than be called on and required to read aloud. It hasn’t been easy, despite all the wonderful help I’ve had. I still fear the first night of any new course, where the syllabus is handed out, and read quickly through, and even though I have received it early and have read through it at the very least two times, highlighting and underlining in color. I continue to feel overwhelmed with information overload and I often find myself asking one clarifying question after another.
I am mindful though that this is just the way God created me and it’s OK as I am assured that I am “made in His Image.” As an adult now I can see there were great gaps in this system called education and I fell through the cracks. But God has allowed this for my good and the good of others as I serve as an Educational Support Professional with elementary students with Emotional Behavior Disorders with the purpose to teach to read and write and the passion to read and write to teach.

sickness and the power of the word

Can I just say that last night I got (in my description since I have a low tolerance for pain) violently ill. I won't go into the gorey details but let's just suffice it to say that I was in and out of the bathroom from 11 pm until 3 am and I was actually sleeping during the hours of 12 midnight until 2:30 am ... you have to really get your head around this time frame to realize that violently is an overstatement because I have a low tolerance for pain and discomfort ... having said this when I went to the word from 3 am to 5 am I was reading and studying Psalm 1, 31, 61, 91, 121, and Proverbs 1 ... the following is what I recorded in my handwritten journal.

Saturday, June 27, 2009
(note to self; allergic reaction to gluten from lunch on Friday sharing cheese with Sid's crackers with gluten, oh my!)

Thank you Father that I can say I trust in You for You are my God. My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. May your face shine on your servant. I desire Lord to have my trust in you unwavering and my defense against my powerful enemies to be my reliance on your faithfulness and discerning judgement. Thank you Father that I can indeed make you my dwelling and my refuge and no harm will befall me. No disaster will come near my tent for you command your angels concerning me to guard me in all my ways. Thank you Father that your are with me in trouble and that you will deliver me and honor me with long life and that you satisfy me and show me my salvation in you. Thank you Father that I am able to lift my eyes up to the hills and know that my help comes from you. My help comes from you and I know that You will not let my foot slip for You don't slumber but rather you watch over me as I sleep. Thank you that you keep me from all harm ... that you watch over my coming and going both now and forever.

Conclusion: Can I just say that after attempting to return to sleep with a hot water bottle on my tummy and the temptation to take something, anything for the pain ... God got my attention and I got out of bed and sought Him for healing, yet once again ... Thank you my gracious healer for helping me to obey, read, and pray ... their surely is POWER IN THE WORD!

Learning from Him and Leaning into His arms again and again ... B.

Weekly Clousure

This past week I have been reading this book, For God's Sake Rest in preparation for understanding true rest. My part in reading the beginning of the book was to take what the author did and do for myself for the sake of learning through a daily discipline of practice. For this reason I have recorded the past 6 days of Today I ...

I have learned in God's word that "It is a sign between Me and the sons of Israel forever; for in six days the Lord made the heaven and earth, but on the seventh day He ceased from labor, and was refreshed." (Exodus 31:17, NASB)

When I can cease to do and start to rest, I believe my body will begin to refresh, restore, and repair itself. This I believe is the blessing of the Sabbath. It was given to refresh my life.

I look forward to reading more, recording more, experiencing more, and understanding more of what it means to bring closure to periods of my work, ask my God to bless my work for it is good, and be prepared to enter into His Sabbath-Rest.

It is my prayer to my Heavenly Father on this Father's Day to continue to learn and practice His Sabbath Rest!

In His Arms tonight I rest ... B.

Today I ... June 20, 2009

got up
sorted laundry
put a load of laundry into the washer
4 mile bike ride(mind wandered rather than seizing the time to pray)
showered, got dressed
hung load of laundry on the clothesline
ate a banana while talking with Terry
talked briefly with Carrie on the phone
went to back patio, prayed, read Gen 1 Jer 1 John 4
journaled
drank chai
answered (Tim B) and sent (book club ladies) e-mails
called parents of HopeWatcher's (kids prayer team)
ate cheese sandwich and water
got ready to go to open house
went to Michael's (Renee's brother's) open house
visited with Mark, Anita, Michael, Renee and Adam
ate fruit and veggies and diet coke (refreshing too the diet coke, can't remember the last time I had one)
took Adam back to Teen Challenge
picked up pizza, pop and a few groceries
had snack, chips, taco meat, cheese and sour cream
read For God's Sake Rest while Terry watched golf and took a nap
read some more
checked e-mail
did yet another load of laundry
Josh, Kelley, Sid and Pru came for pizza
played with kids
made a cool drink
brought all laundry in from the line and put away
rocked Sid
rocked Pru
watched a little TV including parts of the news
took yet one more load of laundry out and started to put it away
finished writing blog
now going to bed

It is very good!